Las Vegas Spiritual Life Coach Jaclyn Costello

Relationships & Love

Relationship Counseling | Relationship Coach | Spiritual Life Coach


How can I Bring you closer to Love?

 

Do you strongly desire companionship? Are you ready to become the person you need to be in order to attract the partner of your dreams? Do you find yourself dating individuals who aren’t fully ‘aligned’ with you in terms of spiritual development? Are you worried you are going to settle for someone just so you don’t need to be alone?

Are you already in a relationship but feel as if things have gone astray? Do you feel like you can’t be ‘the real you’ and have your partner love you? Are you compromising yourself to the point where your spirit feels pain? Do one or both of you have problems communicating openly and kindly? Do either of you face challenges relating to jealousy, control, power struggles, or anger? Do you want to restore friendship, trust, or passion in your relationship?

Maybe you’ve suffered a recent divorce or break-up. Do you feel filled with sadness or regret? Are you having trouble forgiving yourself or your former partner for mistakes made in the relationship? Do you need help finding your new identity, outside of the relationship? Do you need someone to guide you through this transition so you can come out fresh and new?

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Since human beings develop through interactions with each other, your personal evolution is largely dependent upon how meaningful your engagement is with those around you, especially within your primary relationship(s). Falling in love is very different than agreeing with your partner that your relationship’s purpose is to create an opportunity to lift your lives to their highest potential, heal untrue thoughts you have about yourselves & the world, and encourage intimacy with God/the Universe through the communion of your two souls.

I have coached hundreds of individuals & couples in the area of ‘Relationships & Love’. Love is one of my highest values, and I do everything I can to protect it.

I value an authentic, aware, ego-dissolving, communion-with-the-Divine LOVE that does not dissipate even upon end of the relationship. Much like energy, real Love never disappears; it only changes form.

You can read about a profound experience I had with Objectless Love during a meditation retreat here, under the section on Love.

Or, read on for my thoughts and insights on Love and Relationships.

 

Marriage Counselor Las VegasAn Interstellar Love Story

“Where there is love, there is life.”
—Mahatma Gandhi

I recently gave my first speech at a wedding for Cher & Rico–a couple who fully embody Love. This couple shares a nourishing momentum with each other, propelling each other deeper inwards to places of self-discovery and further outwards to explore unknown curiosities. Cheryl and Rico understand that, in its purest sense, marriage is a sacred promise to help each other evolve, support each other’s most magnificent dreams, and cultivate the greatest love possible between two human beings—a love that allows each person to experience communion with the Divine.

The famous astronomer Carl Sagan wrote:

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Cheryl and Rico have experienced that vastness—and so much of what exists inside it. Not just the joys and ecstasies; they’ve experienced the challenges, the uncertainties, the unanswered questions, the impermanence of being. Not once did they act unkindly toward each other during moments of extreme stress and fear. They continued strong, side by side, with grace, compassion, and maturity beyond their years.

Love Coach Las VegasThey remind me of Carl Sagan himself, and his beloved fiancée Ann, who were part of a team of scientists in the 1970’s that sent an unmanned spaceship from Earth to the far reaches of the galaxy. Ann wrote about how difficult it was to decide what exactly to put on the golden record attached to the side of that spaceship. This one record was meant to contain information about all of life on earth—the entire human experience—which would someday, maybe, be deciphered by other-worldly intelligences should they ever come in contact with the ship.

When the project was complete, the spaceship blasted off containing music, photographs, greetings in 55 languages, a mixture of sounds like barking dogs, whales and clanging pots, a salutation from the United Nations, and…an EEG containing the brain waves of a young woman thinking about the man she loved.

photos courtesy of NASA

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It was Ann herself, madly in love with Carl, who volunteered her thoughts to be recorded for non-human entities to someday find and interpret so that they might glimpse into what is surely

one of the most precious and extraordinary experiences in the entire Universe: to love as a human being.

What sort of love are you cultivating in your life? Is it a raw, vibrant, pure Love that you would deem worthy of being discovered as a shining example of love at the far reaches of the galaxy?

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“Don’t think because this life was brief,
that is wasn’t absolutely everything.”

—Carole Maso

Someone once told me, “Jaclyn, what you’re here to do is more important than any one relationship.”

This was not what I wanted to hear.

At the time, the desire to develop a life-long romantic partnership with my ‘one-and-only’ felt like THE most important thing to me. The desire was not biologically-based out of a longing to have children, nor was it steeped in a fairy tale vision of a long, white gown and layered cake, nor was it rooted in a fear of growing old alone, nor was it influenced by a cultural pulling, societal pushing, or a boredom brewing…

My deep desire to be married grew from an insatiable yearning for Spiritual Intimacy.

Knowing that about me, you can imagine the sting I felt when someone whose perspective I trusted told me I might not be meant for just one sacred, life-long relationship.

I thought back to a day in high school when my girlfriends and I were sitting around a table in the mall on our lunch break, eating Sbarro and predicting each other’s futures.

My friends had unanimously agreed that I would not be the one to have babies first (or ever), and would not be the one with the fanciest career or biggest house; they were convinced I would either be married a thousand times to all of my thousand Beloveds, or I would have a lifetime full of adventures and passionate, soulful love affairs…but never settle into any one home, place, or companion.

What a strangely accurate lunch-time prophecy that turned out to be.

Either way–whether you are meant for one, strong, sacred relationship, or a lifetime filled with beautiful Beloveds who help evolve your consciousness while you do the same for them–both seem like blessed lives to me.

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A Tale of Sweet Discovery

Years ago, my good friend Cameron was a skeptic when it came to love. He’d never been in what he considered real love before. He treated women kindly. He dabbled in intimacy. He even committed to long-term relationships. But he never let his guard down & fully opened his heart to feel the sort of love that people like me described as the substance of their souls.

One day, Cam said to me–

“You do ‘falling in love’ better than anyone I know. If I was ever going to fall in love, I’d do it your way.”

About a year after uttering this prophecy, Cam uprooted his life in the United States and moved to Korea for a job opportunity. He was barely there a month when a fascinating Korean woman swept him off his feet. I’ll never forget the conversation we had when he called me from Seoul.

“It’s more than I imagined,” Cameron said.

“Korea?” I asked.

“No. This love.”

Nearly a decade and a half later, Cameron remains in Korea, happily married to Gloria Doe.

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Marriage Counselor Las VegasAttracting Love

“Gamble everything for Love if you are a true human being. If not, leave this gathering. Half-heartedness doesn’t reach into Majesty.”
-Rumi

You’ve heard it before, and you’ll hear it again: your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have. If you don’t respect yourself, take care of your body, remain aware of your emotions, reign control over your Mind, and honor who you really are, it will be extremely difficult to form a successful relationship with anyone.

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When two vibrant, healthy, loving people meet–amazing things happen. You both inspire each other to reach new levels of personal evolution you hadn’t reached before. Of course, we are all works in progress, and part of the beauty of a relationship is its ability to help each of its partners grow (together & individually). But it’s important to realize that the better off you are when you are alone, the better relationship you’ll be able to create.

Remember: It’s not enough to be in the right place at the right time; you must also be the right person. So that’s where we’ll start…with you! As your Personal Life Coach, I’m here to help you embody your most authentic self and attract your ideal partner.

 

For Current Relationships

As with anything you wish to nurture and grow (a business, a plant, an idea, etc.) your relationship is not something you can simply ‘acquire’ then sit back and expect to bloom. As well, authentic spiritual friendships sometimes requires that individuals come together and experience tension & friction with each other in order to help each other to expand. Keep this perspective in mind if you’re going through a troubled time with someone you love dearly.

That aside, don’t listen to anyone who says romantic love only lasts through the first few years. Magic and romance can be forever incorporated into your life, and indeed, they must be in order to keep the spark alive that brought you two together in the first place.

What else does it take for a relationship to thrive?

Communication
A Feeling of Safety & Protection

Variety & Change (to feel fully alive)
Significance & Respect (each person must feel valued)
Growth & Nurturing (of each individual’s part, and of the couple)
Deep Love & Compassion
Connection/Communion
Courage & Faith
Vulnerability
Acceptance (honoring your differences)
Integrity (for yourselves, each other, and the relationship)
Spiritual Alignment (or, at the very least, support of each other’s individual journeys)

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As your Relationship Coach, I’ll help you gain clarity on which of the necessary elements needs strengthening within your own partnership. I’m here to guide you through the process of reviving your relationship, including resolving difficult tensions that may have arisen due to deception, lack of respect, resentment, one or more partners doubting the relationship’s value, lack of passion, misunderstandings, and all other identified or not-yet-identified reasons you are feeling un-aligned within your partnership.

Should I stay?

 

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Actual quote overheard at Trader Joe’s by this fella, “I think we have enough spice on the menu for tonight, Louise.”

The majority of the time–assuming neither partner is experiencing an urge from their soul to leave, and the relationship is generally healthy–I vote to save the relationship. This is likely because I was raised by a father who was always grumbling about how us kids were growing up in a “throw-away society”. He claimed that because people believe there are unlimited options out there for them, they think they can simply walk away from their challenges (or relationships) and start over again with a clean slate.

Of course, this is not how the Universe works. Your problems are going to follow you wherever you go until they’re dealt with properly.

In our contemporary, fast-paced culture, sometimes things like patience, commitment, & ‘working it out’ may seem to take an unnecessary amount of effort. Why not just move along? you may ask yourself. There are so many fish in the cosmic sea. Values like loyalty and fortitude are not as highly regarded as they once were. (Really, do you even know what ‘fortitude’ means?)

I urge you, before you leave your current relationship, make sure you’ve taken a good look at the root causes of your discomfort to be sure it’s not something within you that ultimately needs to be re-calibrated. It is possible to rescue many relationships, and I can help you do so.

On the other hand…

When it’s Time to Leave

For your relationship to succeed, your Heart (feelings, love, warmth, emotional support), Spirit (bigger purpose, soul’s advancement, sense of peace & freedom), and Mind (practical compatibility, ability to communicate, core values) must ALL be telling you, “Yes, this relationship is right on!”

If you have been feeling a huge LACK in any of these areas in your relationship, or if you are with someone who does not adore & support your authentic self and ultimately bring out the best in you, or if you have been pouring energy into the relationship only to find that nothing is improving, consider saving your strength for other endeavors—like friends, family, creative projects, work, new Love, or yourself.

Sometimes it’s just time to let go. We can sit down together and evaluate your options.

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sometimes it’s best to pack your things and hit the road

I understand it can be frightening to leave a familiar and ‘comfortable’ relationship, even if the relationship is desperately sad. But waiting for a feeling of safety to come along before you make a change usually only results in a build-up of even more internal suffering. The only way to acquire a feeling of true security is to enter the whirlwind of change and come out the other end feeling alive again.

I once broke down in tears during a meditation because I suddenly realized I’d been pouring all of my energy (for years) into a relationship that wasn’t meant to be. I thought, “There are so many amazing things I want to do with my life… and I can’t even get this guy to commit to me!” I’d been trying so hard to force a heart-felt communion with someone who simply did not want a partnership, and my tears were reminders of my futile attempts to pull the relationship along, all on my own.

That night, I realized the importance of being in a relationship with someone who wanted to co-create with me. I was expending all my energy into sustaining the relationship instead of giving that energy to the creative endeavors I was meant to be nurturing.

Sometimes, I hear similar stories from my clients, yet they choose to remain in the draining relationship–

“Hey, I know it’s time to leave my relationship…but there’s something holding me back. What is it?!”

Have you become so comfortable with an un-fulfilling, disenchanted life that it feels normal to you?
Are you afraid of the unknown?
Do you not feel ready financially?
Are you afraid of taking care of yourself emotionally?
Are you afraid of being alone?
Have you not yet built up adequate pillars of support (friendships, personal hobbies, spiritual groups?)
Are you stalling because you’re waiting for ______to happen before you move on? (a new job, new love, the kids turn 18)
Have you sacrificed so much of your youth/time/energy in the relationship that you feel too invested to leave?
Are you afraid no one else will love you/know you/understand you?

There’s nothing wrong with having hesitations or fears. However, it’s important to be aware of the reasons you’re giving yourself for staying in a relationship that is no longer serving your highest development. If you would like help overcoming these fears and moving on, contact me for a complimentary introduction to discuss how I can best guide you through the transition.

Of course, if you are in an emotionally, psychologically, or physically abusive relationship of any sort—leave as soon as you’re able to do so safely. Sometimes people remain in abusive relationships hoping that the harmful behaviors will eventually subside, but that is rarely ever the case.


Matters of the (broken) Heart

There is no pain like a broken heart. Whether someone leaves you, or you leave a relationship that simply could not go on, there will likely be pain. There are few things in life that come close to this difficult feeling.

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Most people would rather walk through Mordor than experience a broken heart

When you suddenly find yourself alone after having grown accustomed to being in a relationship, you may face some challenging emotions. You may feel lonely, helpless, without purpose, or unable to get through the day. You may find yourself looking back and wondering, “Why did my relationship have to end? What could I have done differently?”

Or worse, maybe you do realize how could have acted more authentically. Maybe you’re brave enough & humble enough to be willing to see the shadow side of yourself. No doubt, this will cause further pain because you may not like what you see. You may even wonder how you can live with yourself after seeing your own negative capacity.

Remember: This insight is a gift. This is an opportunity to change. You never need to be that person again.

“But I want my ex back!” you say.

Does any of this sound familiar: “I’ve made a huge mistake. I let my true love get away. I want a chance to be a better person in the relationship. I’ve learned so much from these recent insights–God give me another chance!”

Before considering this as your best option, ask yourself: Why did we break up in the first place? Are those problems resolvable? Are we both willing to work on our individual shortcomings? Are we both 100% committed to seeing the best in each other? What if nothing changes–would I be okay with that?

Think of all the irksome, awful, downright cruel characteristics of your ex. If he/she never changed, could you honestly say you’d be happy spending your life together? Would you be at peace? I know right now you’re probably thinking, “Of course, I would. I’ll take the good, bad, and ugly. Just give me another chance!” Once you’re feeling clear-headed, sit down and really think about this.

Even though anyone can change at any age, it takes WORK to do so. Therefore, if you’re considering re-entering a relationship with someone who hasn’t already shown great dedication to self-improvement, I urge you to re-consider. And, don’t forget: you likely need to change yourself too, because there just might be some room for improvement…

Remember: Do not rush back into a relationship where you were not given the respect and love that you deserve.

As we work together, if you decide you sincerely would like to ‘fight for another chance’ in your relationship, we can do everything possible to make that happen for you. But know this–

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If your relationship was holding you and/or your partner back from becoming a more evolved human being, it will be near impossible to work against the Universe’s natural impulse to pull you towards enlightenment.

 

Painful to hear, I know, but guess what? You have more than one soul-mate out there for you. And that new person is preparing his/herself through a series of trials & errors just like you’ve been fine-tuning yourself through each of your prior relationships. Don’t fret if you’re already 30, 40, or 55. Don’t worry if you have children or feel like ‘all the good ones are taken’. That is not the case, I assure you. After all, you’re available!

And until you find that new love, I will help you keep the rest of your life on track so you continue growing into your very best self. That way, you’ll be better prepared to create an even more fulfilling relationship down the road.

Until then, take a deep breath. Take time for friends and family. Stay healthy. Stay strong. Don’t fall into a hole. Allow yourself to feel the pain of the loss (don’t repress it), but then acknowledge the impermanence of all things and move on. It’s what you’re meant to do.

 

Spiritual Life Coach Jaclyn Costello

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